Thoughts Go Round

A few years ago, I came back from a long trip with a major episode of depression and cycles upon cycles of obsessive thoughts. Those days were definitely much harder for me mentally, but with the current pandemic and the state of Florida, the obsessive thoughts have returned. While they’re always hanging around, the fact that we’ve pretty much stayed home doesn’t help at all. Since the beginning of March it’s been masked up curbside pickups and drive-thrus.

At the beginning of the pandemic, I tried to not give into the sadness of it too much, but that quickly vanished when we saw how the leadership was handling it all. So, as a household of high-risk people, we’ll be inside or armed with masks and gloves.

After a neighbor getting too close before I could put my mask on I’ll now spend the next two weeks hoping I don’t have it. Pandemic brain at its finest.

When the horrific video of George Floyd’s murder emerged and the Black Lives Matter movement and protests gave most of this backward world a wake-up call. I took a step back to soak it in. Then the work began. I send cards, call whatever office needs to be reminded that police officers can and should be charged with murder, and post to raise what small amount of awareness I can.

I sat in my ignorance of privilege which immediately turned to reading and soaking in everything I could. The names that I continue to learn about is beyond heartbreaking.

Breonna Taylor
Oluwatoyin [Toyin] Salau
Elijah McClain
Ahmaud Arbery

These and so many other names get lost in this world and that’s completely unfair and unjust.
Remember their names.
Say their names.

4:30 AM notes to self

I washed my wallet and its contents recently…because that’s how my thoughts work. Over and over again. With many things. It’s fun. [jk]